April 28, 2006.

April 28, 2006. A day that I will never forget. This was the day that completely changed my life. The day when I felt the most distant from God and everyone else around me. But ultimately, it was the day when God transformed my life for my good and His glory. 8 years ago, on April 28, I was on a bus heading back to Kentucky from New York City with a group of my senior classmates. That trip was one of my favorite high school memories, however the trip home was something that I never expected to happen. I will never forget the moment when I found out. I remember waking up from a nap (because anyone who knows me, knows that I always sleep on roadtrips!) and my friend told me that something bad may have happened to Brian, my boyfriend at the time. As I saw my dad’s face when he walked back to take me off the bus, I knew something was wrong. When the words finally formed out of his mouth, “He didn’t make it, Becca” all I remember was falling to the ground, screaming. I couldn’t stand up, it felt like every bone had left my body. I didn’t believe him. There was no way that God would let this happen to me. If God really loved me, why would he take Brian away so soon? These thoughts continued to haunt me throughout the next several hours on the quiet, somber ride home. I felt so numb and lonely. I wanted things to instantly go back to how they were before I fell asleep on that bus. I wanted to be home and realize that this was all a dream. I wanted answers from God.

The next few days were a complete blur. I know the visitation and the funeral happened. My amazing family, friends, and classmates were so incredibly supportive. I have never felt so much love from so many people than I did in those moments! But as the days and weeks went by, my heart continued to break. I felt like my life was over and there were days when I had no desire to continue living. Every time someone would tell me “time will heal it” I thought they were crazy. When people told me “God has a purpose for all of the suffering you are going through” I wanted to throw something at them (I’m just being real…) I couldn’t imagine how God could ever heal my heart or bring anything good from this situation. I was angry and confused, and honestly wanted nothing to do with God or his plan for me.  Thankfully, God continued to use people to speak truth in my life.

The next 5 or so years were a slow, painful healing process. There were days when my whole body ached with grief, and times when I was so numb to crying I didn’t even realize that tears were falling down my face. But God continued to draw me close to Himself and He revealed so much to me about His good and loving character. God provided me with peace beyond all understanding, He made me fall more in love with Him everyday, and eventually He healed my broken heart. I thought that I would never date or love anyone again. Anyone who knew me at the time can tell you that I was convinced that I would be single forever. But thankfully, God had different plans. I can’t begin to explain how thankful I am for the amazing man that God has placed in my life. 5 years after Brian died I finally met the man who would be my husband. I remember being so scared as I started falling in love with Brandon. I was afraid that the same thing would happen and that my heart would be crushed, again. I’m so thankful that God, in his sovereignty, brought us together and worked out all of the crazy details so that we would fall in love and become husband and wife.  Brandon is absolutely perfect for me and I am so excited to see God’s good plan for us unfold. 

As I sit here and reflect on these past 8 years I am drawn to tears because of God’s overwhelming goodness to me. While it was a horrible tragedy and I still ache for Brian’s family, I can see God’s grace and mercy displayed so greatly throughout that season of my life.  I am more in love with Jesus today than I ever was 8 years ago. He has transformed my life and made me into a new creation. God has shown me that He truly brings good out of all things and that He can be glorified even in the most difficult situations.  I know for people who are enduring suffering, it seems like there is no relief in sight. And honestly, there may never be total relief on this earth for some people. But we have a God who cares deeply for us and walks with us every step of the way during our suffering.  Our hope is on Christ and His coming Kingdom, not on this world. He uses the storms in our lives to bring new life. We even see this in the story of His son. Jesus went through more suffering than any of us could ever experience, but His suffering brought new life to all who believe in Him. He truly is a good and faithful God.

“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.”  -Romans 8:28

“Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him.” –James 1:12

On Mission

     The 40 days leading up to Easter, the Gallery Church fasted, prayed, and read through the Gospel of John. This was such a sweet time where we, as the body of Christ, became more unified and focused on our Savior. God taught Brandon and me so much through the past 40 days as He revealed to us more about Himself and continued to confirm His calling on our lives to be serving in this city. Brandon had the opportunity to meet with different groups of guys throughout the week to discuss what they were learning and how they were growing during the fast. Each week we were both able to hear stories of how God is at work in the lives of the people in our church and throughout this city. 

I wish I could share my whole journal of thoughts and things that God taught me through this time, if I did, it might be the world's longest blog post. As I read about the life of Jesus from the gospel of John, I was reminded of so many incredible truths. One thing that continually stood out to me was the fact that Jesus refers to himself as the one who was "sent" from the Father over and over again. Jesus was sent on mission to this earth. His mission was to redeem the people who would betray and ridicule Him. His mission was to take on the full punishment for our sins, so that we may come into a relationship with God. His mission was to give us life! I am so incredibly thankful that on the cross He was able to say "It is finished!" He finished the mission that the Father sent Him to fulfill and because of that we can have life. 

     "Peace be with you. As the Father has sent me, even so I am sending you." John 20:21. These were the words Jesus spoke to His disciples after He was raised from the dead. Just as Jesus was sent, He sends us to be on mission. Jesus invites us to tell others about the incredible work He has done in our lives. Our mission is to tell the world that Jesus is the One way we can have a relationship with the Father, He has redeemed us and completely washed away all of our sins. Our mission is to love others as Jesus has loved us. Our mission is to love God above all else and to glorify Him in all that we do. Jesus faithfully completed His mission on this earth, this challenges me to honestly ask myself, "How faithful am I to the mission that God has given me?" I wish that I could say I always tell others about the amazing hope, peace, and comfort that God has given me. I would love to be able to say that I love others selflessly and completely, and that I put God before anyone or anything else on this earth. As much as I want these things to be true of me, I often find that my "spirit is willing, but my flesh is weak". This realization makes me even more thankful for the amazing grace and mercy of my Savior. His love compels me to be faithful to the mission that Christ has called me to. 

     On Easter Sunday I had the amazing opportunity to live out this mission. As I was talking to the owner of the building where our church meets and his daughter, they simply asked me "What is the Gallery Church? What is your organization about?" At first I was completely shocked that I had such a clear opportunity to share about the reason we were celebrating that day. As words finally began to form from my mouth, I shared with them that we believe that God loves us and desires to have a relationship with us. But, because God is perfect and holy, and we are sinful, there is a separation between us that cannot be bridged by anything that we do or don't do. There is a punishment for our sin, because God is holy.  I explained that Jesus came to this earth and lived a perfect life so that He could take on our punishment and we can have a relationship with God. As I explained that there is nothing we can do to earn God's love and favor, we just have to believe in Christ and follow Him, a smile came to their faces. In a world based on performance, this is such sweet news. The truth that God loves us and forgives us, not because of our own works but because Christ accomplished His mission, is radically different than any other message in this world. The owner's daughter simply exclaimed, "That is beautiful. That sounds really great." People in this world are longing for hope and acceptance, which can only be truly fulfilled through Jesus. The Gospel is truly beautiful and it is our mission to help others see and experience His beauty.